Movie Review: Disturbia

Rating:

Dear God, the first hour put me into a coma with its teenage hijinks and the last half-hour left me going, “And I stayed awake for this?” The first hour and 15 minutes revolves around the kid’s boredom and voyeurism. The last half hour is so fucking predictable a monkey  could have written it.

Supposedly a remake of Hitchcock’s Rear Window, so, instead of a world accomplished photographer who broke his leg being homebound and bored to the point of voyeurism, it’s a high school boy who punched his teacher in the nose and got house arrest. And, oh, suffer the little children that come unto movies…the poor boy has had his XBox and iTunes taken away from him by MILF Carrie Anne Moss (Matrix’s Trinity).

New neighbors move in and, yes, there is a God—they have a smokin’ hot daughter! He starts voyeuring the girl next door and, badabing! The babe actually falls for his sorry ass. So, together with his bestest buddy, a Long Duck Dong reincarnation Aaron Yoo) they become the Scooby Doo gang voyeuring a middle-aged guy they believe to be a Texas serial killer.

This is wayyyy too predictable and waaaaayyyyy too juvenile. This might be a good time for under 15-year-olds, but then, I may not be giving under 15-year-olds enough credit. Lame jokes, teen angst and love, a murderer in the neighborhood with designs set on the kid’s MILF…all add up to a flick I shoulda passed out during the first hour.

So, if you are in the video store and start to walk to the counter with this in your hand, I have only one thing to say: “Put it down and step away from the DVD!”

Popularity: 1% [?]

Tags: 15 Year Olds, Aaron Yoo, Bestest Buddy, Brucks, Carrie Anne Moss, David Morse, Disturbia, Entertainment, Hijinks, Ivan Reitman, Jeremy Kramer, Lame Jokes, Long Duck Dong, Matt Craven, Milf Carrie, Movie-and-TV-Reviews, Rated Pg 13, Sarah Roemer, Scooby Doo Gang, shia labeouf, Steven-Spielberg, teens, thriller, Tom Pollock
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