House vs. Scrubs vs. Greys

Wassup, y’all, it’s time for the Phantom Jackass to do another outravenous review. I decided to tackle the doc shows, which, except for the casting, seem to be the same damned show. Now, b4 everyone says, “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” let it be known that I am a bored… certified diagnostician when it comes to Scrubs and House, having seen every episode at least once. Grey’s Anatomy I’m not so up on.

Let’s start out with the hottest, Scrubs.

SCRUBS
Rating:
Now mind you, I got in on this one kind of late (season 4) but I’ve made up for it by buying all 5 seasons on DVD and watching them in loop until I can act out every single scene and part…no, not really, but it kinda takes out the element of surprise.
This is one fucking jacked ass funny show. Seasons 1-3 are the strongest, season 4 kinda weak, season 5 some good moments, season 6 sucked like a Dyson vacuum (Zoom zoom zoom!). There will be a mini-season 7, as Zach Braff has decided to grace us with his presence for 13 more episodes and an ungodly fee.
The show is a single camera ensemble cast which incorporates real life hospital drama with surrealistic sequences and crazy sick humor. To be honest, every single character on the show is a selfish, unlikeable prick…
Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 5% [?]

Tags: 5 Seasons, Bob Kelso, Busy Body, Carla Espinosa, Control Freak, Diagnostician, Donald Faison, Dr.-House, Dyson Vacuum, Egotistical, Element Of Surprise, funny, Greys-Anatomy, Hospital Drama, J.D., Judy Reyes, Ken Jenkins, Mini Season, Movie-and-TV-Reviews, Perry Cox, Sacred Heart Hospital, Sarah Chalke, Scrubs, Sick Humor, Single Camera, Turk, TV-Reviews, Zach-Braff
Posted in Movie and TV Reviews | Comments Off

English Language Paradoxes

There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese. So, one moose, two meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didnt preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Why is something that has some awe great but if it is full of awe it’s bad?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

And why do they call it a building if it was ALREADY built!

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

Popularity: 15% [?]

Tags: Alarm Clock, Boxing Rings, chance-Ship-plural-eggplant-egg-hell-ham-awe-hamburger-, Cold As Hell, Driveways, Eggplant, English, English Muffins, Fing, French Fries, funny, Groce, Grocers, Guinea Pig, Hell One, Hurts-My-Brain, Language, Meese, Paradox, Parkways, Quicksand, Slim Chance, Sweetbreads, Sweetmeats, Wise Guy, Wise Man
Posted in Funny, Hurts My Brain | No Comments »

Movie Review: The Transformers

By JAY WEISSBERG
Rating:
Watch the Trailer

If it’s true that there’s an 8-year-old boy inside every man, “Transformers” is just the ticket to bring the kid out. Big, loud and full of testosterone-fueled car fantasies, Michael Bay’s actioner hits a new peak for CGI work, showcasing spectacular chases and animated transformation sequences seamlessly blended into live-action surroundings. There’s no longer any question whether special effects can be made more realistic: The issue is whether disposable actors can be trained to play better with bluescreens. Paramount/DreamWorks’ summer tentpole is certain to do gangbusters biz, while the sequel-screaming ending and the usual spinoffs should send ancillary through the roof.
Toy giant Hasbro will see its coffers full to overflowing after the July 4 release, perfectly timed for a consumer run on already popular Transformers figures, comic books, videogames and cartoons. “Transformers” is the apotheosis of product placement, using tried-and-true formulas in the story department as a showcase for the toys (already featured in the 1986 toon “The Transformers: The Movie”). Best of all for anyone who put coin into the production, pic builds off multiple generations of fans, from the kids obsessed with the robots at their launch in 1984 to those collecting the latest incarnations today. Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 1% [?]

Tags: apotheosis, bernie mac, car fantasies, cgi work, comic books, Cool Girl, dreamworks, enthralled, gangbusters, hasbro, launch, megan fox, Michael-Bay, Movie-Reviews, Movies, New Peak, Product Placement, psyched, Reviews, Sexual Feeling, shia labeouf, Spinoffs, Steven-Spielberg, story department, Tentpole, toy giant, transformation sequences, Transformers, transformers the movie, true formulas, videogames, Weissberg, yellow camaro
Posted in Entertainment, Movie News, Movie and TV Reviews | No Comments »

Keith Richards Cameo Can’t Keep Pirates Sequel Afloat

Genres: Action/Adventure, Adaptation and Sequel

Running Time: 2 hr. 45 min.

Release Date: May 24th (select theaters), May 25th, 2007 (wide)

MPAA Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of action/adventure violence and some frightening images.

Distributors: Buena Vista Pictures Distribution

U.S. Box Office: $301,725,691

May 24 (Bloomberg) — Keith Richards, the inspiration for Johnny Depp’s prancing, sardonic “Pirates of the Caribbean” character, makes a cameo appearance in “At World’s End,” the third — and hopefully final — episode of the blockbuster series.

Looking like he came straight from the embalmer, the Rolling Stones guitarist plays Captain Teague, the mysterious long-lost father of Depp’s Jack Sparrow. They’re both members of the Brethren Court, a ruling council of pirates preparing for battle against conniving Lord Beckett, octopus-bearded Davy Jones and their ghost ship, the Flying Dutchman.
Read the rest of this entry »

Popularity: 1% [?]

Tags: action adventure, beckett, blockbuster, bloomberg, Brethren Court, Cameo Appearance, confusing mess, Davy Jones, Director Gore Verbinski, Disney, dreadlocks, Embalmer, Entertainment, Flying Dutchman, Frightening Images, Ghost Ship, gore verbinski, Intense Sequences, Jack-Sparrow, Johnny-Depp, Keith-Richards, Movie-and-TV-Reviews, Movie-Reviews, Movies, Pg 13, Pirate Suit, Pirates, Pirates-of-the-Caribbean, remarkable scene, Reviews, Rolling Stones Guitarist, S Box, Strumming A Guitar
Posted in Entertainment, Movie and TV Reviews | No Comments »