War of the Worlds

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Holy fuck it’s been a long time since I wrote a review…but then, haven’t been getting out of my crypt very much, lately.
What do you get when you team up Steve Spielberg, Tom Cruise and the little girl who screams alot from “Man on Fire” along with a buncha three legged Martians? Actually, this turned out to be cooler than I expected, because it seems like all movies suck to me these days…

Tom Cruise plays a dock-working, shitweed deadbeat dad in New York (could be Jersey) who takes his kids on for a weekend. In the classic, “Oh shit, not on my shift” mentality, it just so happens that earth gets invaded that same weekend.

There are some really cool special effects and cinematography. The high suspended freeway collapsing, the tripods emerging out of the earth, splitting buildings and churches in half, the heat ray destruction…

Anyway, whole plot of the movie is Tom trying to get his kids back to their mom, in Boston, while the Martians are creating 9/11 like destruction at every turn.

Just for shits and grins the Phantom bought a copy of the H.G. Wells classic novel and actually read it (although they printed the whole goddamned book upside down…but that’s okay, I just stood on my head to read it…). Any similarity between the Spielberg flick and the Wells novel is purely coincidental. In the novel the Martians come to earth in cylinders and enlist slaves to build their tripod death ships. In the movie the tripod death ships have been buried underground since before mankind (strange we never found them before) and get activated by aliens riding lightning bolts into the ground.

In the novel the main character tries to make his way through England to get to his wife. Sometimes he’s accompanied by his brother. And mind you, this is back in the horse and carriage days… In the movie Tom tries to get his two kids through chaos in one piece. His smart-mouthed, smart-assed teenage son and the little girl that screams alot.

In the novel the main dude hides out with a wacko named the curate, whom the main dude has to eventually puts down like a mad dog. In the flick Tom and daughter (teenage boy said ‘Fuck it, I’m outta here’ by now) hide out in the basement of Tim Robbins, whom Tom eventually puts down like a mad dog while the daughter sings “Hushabye Mountain” to mask the noise.

In both the book and the movie people are rioting and mobbing to get onto ferries to escape the alien warships. There’s chaos and pretty intense images throughout the whole flick…

In the end the Martians succomb to gold-old-fashion earth germs and what’s left of the world lives happily ever after. The thing that pisses the fucking shit outta me about the flick version is the goddamned piss drinking “feel good” ending that hollywood has to shitwipe on everything…
Tom and daughter making it to Boston to be reunited with the rest of the family…everyone and everything looking like a Norman Rockwell painting. Even the teenage son that ditched dad and sissy half-way through the flick is waiting there in a clean, pressed sweater and shirt.
In my mind I’m thinking…”Holy Fuck, dad IS a loser…if the little girl would have ditched dad with her bro she’d be sipping lemonade on the front porch with the rest of the family and let her fuckup old man get the shit kicked out of him by the martians alone, instead of dragging her into all the shit he went through…Oh well, at least it gave her a chance to do what she does best…scream.
The whole movie was pretty cool and intense, and for that I rate it Rating: , but that last cheesy ass five minutes that sucked ass so badly I just have to give it: Rating:

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Tags: Carriage Days, Cinematography, Classic Novel, Crypt, Dakota-Fanning, Entertainment, Freeway, H G Wells, Heat Ray, Horse And Carriage, Lightning Bolts, Little Girl, Man On Fire, Martians, Mentality, Movie-and-TV-Reviews, Movie-News, Movies, Reviews, Shits, Similarity, Special Effects, Spielberg, Steven-Spielberg, Teenage Son, Tom-Cruise, Tripods, War-of-the-Worlds
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